Grace

Y'all, God is so good, kind, gracious, and loving! I know He is always these things and is always wanting to display His love for us, but this afternoon He wrecked me with His amazing, creative love. Let me share with you my joyous tears.

This afternoon, I felt depressed. It had been a longer day than usual, and I was tired of many things. I began to wonder if anything I was doing was worthwhile or if I was just wasting my life. I thought that I was alone and unnoticed. Another words, I was stuck in my own dark and lonely world.

When I reached the bus stop, I sat down continuing to listen to my music and depressing thoughts. At that moment, I just wanted someone to talk with, but, when I looked around, I only saw other people stuck in their own world on their phone or headphones. I just wanted someone to notice my existence. I just wanted to escape this repetitious, dead world. I just wanted Jesus to show me again that He saw me and cared about me.

While stuck in my chaotic thoughts, an individual came near my right side. I looked, and was taken aback to see a girl. This struck me as odd because it is rare to see children on campus. I looked around and noticed her parents were also waiting for a bus.

She was searching for something in the bush next to me. I watched her curiously and realized she was trying to catch a lizard. It escaped, and she proceeded on to the next bush. I continued to observe from my spot on the brick wall. A part of me wanted to join her, but then I thought about the other people and worried about what they would think of me. I thought how easy it was as a kid to be able to play carelessly, to catch lizards without fear, and to dream dreams without logic nor limitations. Watching this girl, I longed for that kind of freedom again.

After a couple of minutes, she came back near my bush. I asked her if she had any success. She shrugged and sat down next to me. I smiled, both outwardly and within my heart. Everyone else ignored my existence except this little girl. This girl noticed me and then decided to sit next to me. In that moment, I felt loved and enough.

She then grabbed a leaf and began to scratch letters into it. I grabbed a leaf and joined her art marking. I wrote my name and showed her. She looked at me and asked,"Your name Emily?"

"Yep. What is your name?"

"Grace. I'm write my friend's name now. "

Grace. My heart melted at her name. I realized that God had brought this girl to bring grace into my life.

When my bus arrived, her family also hopped on. She unintentionally made her mom and I wait to enter because she was busy grabbing a handful of leaves for the bus ride. Her family sat near the back while I found a spot in the middle.

As I sat there, I thought about what had happened. I could see Jesus' hand in the whole encounter. I went back to listening to my music while thinking about how to capture the event in my next blog post. I could have been satisfied with only that encounter, but Jesus had only rolled up His sleeves for the grand finale.

She then came to my section and sat in the empty seat next to me. I pulled my headphones away and welcomed her presence. She then gave me a folded piece of paper. I started to open it, but she shock her head, "No, wait till I gone." I agreed and told her I would open it as soon as I got home.

The bus reached my stop too soon, and I had to say goodbye to my new friend. I asked her if I could hug her goodbye, and she smiled, nodded, and returned my hug. While exiting, I saw her mom smiling at me, and I told her, "Your daughter is a sweetheart."

Once the bus pulled away, I opened her little note:

As soon as I read those words, tears were flowing down my cheeks. I stopped and sat down in a sea on parking spaces staring at this precious note. I did not care if anyone noticed me anymore. I had just been noticed and loved in a pure, childlike way.

Maybe this seems odd to you. Maybe you do not understand how a child's words can melt my heart as such. Maybe you never had the opportunity to be like a child, careless and fearless. Maybe you do not identify with the desire to catch lizards. I do not know what your opinion is of this testimony, but here is what I see in it:

- I feel a lot. Sometimes, I feel too much and get overwhelmed, but I would never trade my feelings for anything. Why? Because a little girl's note can speak volumes to me and bring me to tears. I needed those tears. Sometimes, we need a healing cry. I did. Do you?

- God can use anyone. He decided to use a child who spoke broken English, but she was perfect. She was one whom I could open up to at that moment. She was innocent and pure. She was loving, a quality the world needs more of.

- It is okay to be childish. I was able to step out of my adult life and enter into Grace's simple, creative one. And, you know what, it was more rewarding than my regular life. It made me feel alive instead of just living.

To add to this, my computer crashed for a minute which gave me a moment to look at my phone and notice a text from a dear friend of mine asking me how I was doing. She is one who knows and understands my head so she will randomly text me to check and really see how I am doing. Her text could not be more perfectly timed.

Now, I should go to bed and reminisce this evening before it turns into tomorrow. Until next time, live, love and be loved. And most importantly, be you. You will always be enough.