Do You Love Well?

“And behold, a lawyer stood up to put Him to the test, saying, ‘Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?’ He said to him, ‘What is written in the Law? How do you read it?’ And he answered, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.’ And He said to him, ‘You have answered correctly, do this, and you will live.’” – Luke 10:25-28

In this passage, the lawyer summarized the whole Bible in two commandments, and Jesus said they are the key to eternal life. Love God. Love others. There is a lot that can be said on both of those commands, but I am only going to focus on the second one, “love your neighbor as yourself”. However, I want to narrow my focus even further on just two words which I think we tend to forget: as yourself.

What does it mean to love others as you love yourself? It means to treat others as you would treat yourself. Growing up, I was told to “treat others the way you want to be treated”, as a way to not hurt others. For a long time, I viewed this passage the same way. I do not anymore.

The lawyer said to love, not treat, your neighbor as yourself. I have pondered that idea, love others as you love yourself, and I saw a flaw. I do not love myself well. Do you love yourself well?

What do I mean by that question? I mean, how do you see yourself? It’s possible that you see yourself as perfect, joyful, amazing, just peachy. For most of us, I doubt that is the case. Some people might see themselves as “unloved or undeserving of love” or “always a burden” or “filthy or unclean, even with Jesus” or “ugly” or “abandoned or rejected” or “stupid” or “filled with shame and condemnation”. I could go on listing negative ways we view ourselves, but I think you get the point. Even if I did not state the thought of self-hatred you experience, I’m sure it has already popped into your mind right now. So, do you love yourself well?

Let me tell you a story about a friend of mine that might further illuminate this point. A couple of months ago, she was dealing with a lot of emotional and verbal abuse she had experienced from her childhood, and she went to her discipleship leader to process, to mourn, and to hopefully heal from it. While sharing her broken past, her discipleship leader asked her this question: how much do you think you are worth? My friend thought about this question, and an answer popped into her head. She replied, “You know how the Bible says that God cares for the sparrow even though it is worth less than a penny and that we are worth more than a sparrow and how much more God cares for us versus a sparrow (Matthew 10:29-31)? Well, I see myself worth a $1…”

I’m afraid my friend is not the only one who views themselves worth only a dollar. Most of us, if not all, view ourselves as cheap. However, if God has told us to love our neighbor as ourselves and if we love with a love that’s only worth a dollar, it’s not going to go that far. If you think you are cheap, you are going to love cheap!

It’s the same principle as stated in Matthew 7:3-5. If you have a log in your eye, it is hypocritical of you to try to get the speak of dust out of your brother’s eye. It is also hypocritical of us to tell others they are worth loving if we don’t see ourselves worthy of being loved. You can’t tell someone they are beautiful and mean it if you view yourself as ugly. You can’t tell someone they should not feel shame when you are consumed with shame. You can’t tell some they are not a burden to you when you view yourself as a burden to them. It is hypocritical of us to tell someone they are loved, valued, and enough when we don’t see ourselves loved, valued, nor enough.

So, how can we tell others that they are loved when we cannot even love others well and correctly? To answer that question, I need to resume the story about my friend.

After she said she was worth only a dollar, her discipleship leader let those words sink into the room. Slowly, she replied, “You are not worth a $1. You are worth…” and she paused. My friend thought she was going to say, “X amount of dollars” or “over X amount”, with the X being some ridiculously high number but still countable. Instead, her leader said, “You are worth a life!”

The thing about my friend… That was me. Two months ago, I told my discipleship leader, Becca, that I am only worth $1, and she told me I am worth a life. I knew what she meant by those words. Jesus loved me so much He traded His life for my own. He could have bought me with a dollar, and I would have seen that as enough. Instead, He bought my imperfect life with His perfect life by taking my death penalty because He loved me.

How do you love yourself well? By seeing yourself through Christ’s eyes of love for you. It’s like the song Eyes of Love by Eliseo Way featuring Amanda Cook.

There's no place I can go that you won't find me

There's no place I could hide that you don't see

No place I could fall your love wouldn't catch me

You see It all

You see It all through the eyes of love

Jesus sees all of us, and He sees all of us through His eyes of love. Lord, give us your eyes of love!

So, how does this look? How do we see ourselves through Christ’s eyes of love? At the beginning of this blog, I stated some thoughts of self-hatred that we might have towards ourselves. I want to speak truth towards those lies by stating what God’s says about us.

· Unloved or undeserving of love – “You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:6-8)

· Always a burden – “Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall.” (Psalm 55:22)

· Filthy or unclean – “‘Come now, let us reason together’, says the LORD. ‘Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.’” (Isaiah 1:18)

· Ugly – “For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” (Psalm 139:13-14)

· Abandoned or rejected – “It is the LORD Who goes before you. He will be with you; He will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” (Deuteronomy 31:8)

· Stupid – “For the LORD gives wisdom, and from His mouth come knowledge and understanding.” (Proverbs 2:6)

· Shame and condemnation – “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.” (Romans 8:1-2)

When you let God’s love for you wash over your self-hatred, you will start to love yourself well. We start to love well because He has (and is) loving us well (1 John 4:19). However, how does this get back to the idea of “loving your neighbor as yourself”? Here’s the truth: When we embrace the love God has for us, we will begin to love ourselves well and that love will overflow towards others.

In Galatians 6 verses 2-5, it says, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. For each will have to bear his own load.” I used to be very confused by verses 2 and 5 because it says to “bear one another’s burdens” yet “each will have to bear his own load”. I found those statements contradicting until I began to understand this idea of loving others as myself. We help others carry their burdens by showing them how we carry our own. We help others love themselves well by showing them how we love ourselves well based on God’s love for us.

What does this look like? I’ll share one more story with you. As I wrote in another blog last fall, I struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts my sophomore year in college. In short, God rescued me and showed me that my life was worth living. Soon after this, I found out that I had precancer. I questioned God why He was threatening my life after I had decided to live. He told me, “Em, I don’t want you to just live your life. I want you to fight for your life, and not just your life. I want you to fight for all life!”

I have had the honor of sharing my story with others and speaking truth and hope into their hearts that their life is worth living and fighting for. After writing my blog on this part of my story, a friend back home sent me a text saying, “Read your blog post. Cried. So much of my story was enclosed in your story. I’m really thankful God decided to put you in my life, because you positively impact and change so many people’s days and lives, and you have especially touched mine.” Touching that one heart with the new love I had for myself due to God’s love for me was worth everything!

To conclude, I have two questions for you: do you love yourself the way God loves you? And do you love others well by loving them as you love yourself? I dare you to start loving well!

“By this we know love, that He laid down His life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.” – 1 John 3:16