"You Are Loved"

“I love you”

That’s a phrase I’ve been thinking a lot about the past week. I. Love. You. Why do we say that? What do those words mean? How do people interpret them? How do I interpret them? Are they really words of love?

Personally, I’m beginning to think they are selfish words.

Whenever people say, “I love you”, the recipient almost always replies back “I love you too”. Why? Do they actually love them back, or is that just expected? Is the first person telling the second they love them to remind them of that truth, or do they just want to hear the phrase “I love you too”?

I have been in situations where someone has hurt me, has manipulated me, has abused me with their words. After they have done the damage (either intentionally or unknowingly, but still just as painfully), they try to bandage it with the phrase “I love you”, as if they want to hear me say “I love you too” to assure them that I don’t hate them now. That’s messed up and nothing less than conditional love, aka selfish love which is not really love.

Maybe I am just reading too much into the phrase “I love you”, but words are significant. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Prov. 18:21a). Whoever said “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” was a lier. Words can save or destroy a life. Therefore, we should choose them wisely.

“I love you”. I wonder if the emphasis is more on the “I” than the “you”. After all, the sentence starts with “I”, as if my individual love for “you” is so important. Is it really that important, or are we just self-centered?

Lastly, to whom do we say the phrase “I love you”? To strangers? To those in need? To those who won’t reply back “I love you too”? If we are honest, we usually say it to those whom we assume love us back equally and will most likely return the word gesture of love.

Am I against letting people know that they are loved? Not at all! We all need to be reminded, some more than others. What I am against is loving others from the agenda of receiving love in return. Anything less than unconditional love is manipulation and wrong.

The question that remains is this: if “I love you” could be a manipulating phrase yet people need to be reminded that they are loved, then what should be stated in its place?

“You are loved”.

It is still a three word statement, but the focus and meaning has changed drastically.

The statement now begins with the person you are speaking love over, and the “I” that focused on the speaker has been removed completely. Though this might make you think that these words are non-personal because the “I” referring to the speaker is missing, it is still personal simply because the speaker is choosing to declare love towards another.

Additionally, this statement does not demand a response from the recipient. They could reply back “you are loved too”, but there is freedom to say something else like “thank you”, or even nothing at all. They can just receive love with no strings attached.

Lastly, this statement “you are loved” goes beyond just the speaker’s love. It is a statement of truth that the recipient is loved by many and is lovable. They are reminded that they are worthy of being loved by many, not just selfishly being loved by the one talking to them. That is true, unconditional love.

Dear friend, I encourage you to keep speaking statements of love over other souls. However, I plead with you to check your motives and discern whether you are truly loving another selflessly or not. For me, I plan on being more careful with my statements of love and will start telling people they are loved rather than reminding them how much I love them.

Lastly, just to remind the individual reading this: you are loved. You are worthy of being loved. You matter. You are needed and wanted in this world. And you are enough. Live and love in today knowing and believing that simple yet profound truth.

You. Are. Loved.

*Originally written on July 8, 2020