Dear Goodbye (Part 3)

Dear Goodbye,

Hello again...

Although these letters have helped me process life, I don't enjoy writing them. There is pain in my heart every time we talk, and even more-so every time I have to say the word "goodbye".

Today, I said "goodbye" to my Papa. He is with Jesus now, as well as Nanny, his bride for 70+ years here on earth. Even though I am not grieving the dead like those without hope in Jesus Christ (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18), I still grieve. I'm crying because there is a lose, though temporary. I will miss my grandpa, as I have missed my grandma ever since she left us. I understand why "Jesus wept" even though He was/is the hope and resurrection for his friend Lazarus; it's a sign of love (John 11:32-36).

There are many whom I have said "goodbye" to, in partings and in death, and, Lord willing, there will be many more to come. I have learned to accept you as a necessary pain in this sojourn, a pain that in time brings acceptance and healing. I know that you are a word of blessing, "Go with God".1 It's even more obvious to me now due to how you are spoken in my second language: Adios meaning "To God".

Yet, I still hate the moments that I have to say "goodbye". When my mouth speaks you, there is a bittersweet taste on my tongue. Grief, another frenemy of mine, enters my heart, and once again I enter the non-chronological, unfinished stages of grief: denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and acceptance.2 It is an awful, wonderful aspect of this life.

Last week, I was talking with a friend who is also walking through loss. When discussing grief, I told her,. "We were never meant to experience death. We can never fully process nor accept it because it was not God's design for us. We were meant for blessings and life, not curses and death." Reflecting on my own words, you were never meant to be a word in our vocabulary. Blessings, yes. But a blessing due to pain, no. For this reason, you are a bittersweet companion.

One day, all will be made right as we were originally designed for. One day, there will be laughter and joy in place of weeping and sorrow. As some hopeful rabbits once put it, "It will not be so in the mended wood."3 But for today, it is not yet so.

I long for that day when you are no longer a part of my speech. For now, you are necessary. This life would be even more unbearable without you to help accept death. But when Jesus comes back, you will vanish along with death, sin, and suffering. You will die forever, and I will say "goodbye" to you and these confusing stages of grief. Until that day though, we'll continue to walk together.

This letter is shorter than my first and second one to you, but my tears are speaking the paragraphs that I cannot write right now...

Goodbye, Papa. I love you and will miss you. Until we meet again in Jesus' loving arms, go with God.

Sincerely,

EmiLee

1. Experiencing Grief  by Wright, H. Norman

2. "The Five Stages of Grief" by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

3. The Green Ember by S. D. Smith